Unexpectedly expected

September's arrived baring all it's distinct markings of ochre and brick tipped leaves. Glowing grey morning, peppered with sun, wiping the days slate clean with brisk evenings and cool nights. The inner chill beginning to settle in, no refuge from it's impending progression of winter, only to be lifted again come a new season of warmth. 

I can smell tonight. Battling chronic allergies stripping this ability, but tonight I can smell. Nostrils filling up with nostalgic poison. Flashbacks of memories almost crippling in their rapid pace. Close to paralyzed from sensory overload, jaw tightening while those small lumps form at the back of the throat where the tongue meets, forming like a terminal cancer. Enveloped in the moment, taken by smell, this is a form of time travel I'm much familiar with. 

A smell I will forever link to the pacific north west fall and winter. Sweet, piney, dewey, musky and invigorating. In this smell I am brought back to that small two-bedroom apartment where we started life anew. Wandering the nights to that corner pub, piggy-backs home, falling into that neighbors yard, kissing for the first time. We had been inseparable. New job, new classes, new video work, I was your muse and you my rock. You were different then, we were. This impending season, sending me though time, surprising me with the open door as the air fills with memory. Not a safe place for progression from the past.

For the better, for the worse

Dreams and reality almost interchangeable. Day obsessions into night, visions so vivid they become applied memories, important in conscious thinking as well as the un-.
Alcohol induced haze makes both states equally as tangible, pertinent.

Days spent sober to un-sober and back again. Conversation heavy, playful, leaving my head whirling. Balanced intensity of truth, assumption and unmeasured amounts of passion. A dangerous and dynamic duo.

Moments, multiplying, adding to a pattern of relationship. Almost impossible to recollect all at once as they continue on, unable to trace its entire lineage.

Photo adventures, city exploring to the outskirts of the state, to the coast, into the mountains. Even off the side of a backroad where the dirt bank was a perfect parking spot. Wandering in, getting too high on that joint, lost, eventually escaping by scaling the steep incline to the top of the road. How close we were to the actual point of entry. Laughing our heads off after the woods trauma, I decided I liked getting lost with you. 

Day drinking at Kelley Point, the Sandy, that street, that neighborhood, wherever; I felt freed, amazing. Laughing with you, always laughing, it's always been my favorite part. The grins shared are beginning to show their layered levels. Passionately secretive and secretly passionate. Feeling empowered, over powered, I can't get enough of the mix. Nostalgic memory and excitement of fleeting intimacy twist in my brain, distract my thoughts. Drug-like, consuming and yet somehow, refreshing.